Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Hodor Reacts to Amir Khan and suggests places better than India for his wife and kids

By Gaurav Parab

Amir Khan's statement on concerns regarding the missus wanting to leave India is so low, and so sickening that it can make even Hodor go, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor WTF ? What was that fine actor smoking? 

Hodor apart, the reported comments were so off the mark, so ill timed and are so dangerous that we should drop the charade and buy whichever movie, T.V serial or Snap Deal sale the talented Amir is promoting to avoid him the trouble of such manipulative PR stunts in the future.

This is what Amir and team are counting on to happen. This is the week that is to come and dominate the headlines.Geniuses. 

Day 1. Someone from the Right will respond. Asking AK to go to Pakistan, reportedly a peaceful, tolerant country.

Day 2. To respond to the response, some clever marketing person in AK's team will make Amir say, "See I told you so?'

Day 3. Some other actor / writer will respond to the situation saying ' See I told you. You did not even spare Amir Khan only because he is....

Day 4 Some other wise guy will say if he had been a Hindu actor then he would have got a Bharat Ratna, Param Vir Chakra, Victoria Cross, Purple Heart, Noble Prize, Ig Noble Prize, Oscar, Raspberry and what not.

Day 5 Some motormouth from the right will respond. AIB will do a brilliant comedy sketch. (The only thing to look forward to)

Day 6 There will be an unrelated tragic incident which will be hashtagged #communal.
Every writer will say, See I told you so. Conveniently ignoring the play of mathematics, and intolerance that has been a part of us as well as other societies (cliche about time immemorial alert) since time immemorial.

Day 7 Movie/TV Serial/ Sale announced.

But I am not going to be critical of Amir. In fact, I am going to be constructive, tolerant and suggest some options where if the need arises - Amir's family can move with the child since they are so concerned.

USA -  Good place. But since we want the kids to be safe, heard of the 14 year old Muslim boy who was thrown in jail for being a terrorist since he had a Muslim name and had built a clock. Very tolerant.

Afghanistan - Job security guaranteed for kids. The only way to not being killed is to become a child soldier. Free National Geographic cover guaranteed

Bangladesh - Kid can do anything, as long as it is not blogging. And hopefully not Hindu.

Belgium - Nice chocolates. But you need to be careful. The city of brussels don't like anyone from Molenbeek . And your skin color and second name by default makes you a trouble maker.

Canada - Otherwise very brilliant and has a great looking Prime Minister. But advise the kid to not to join the defense forces. Where a minority Defence Minister was racially abused by an officer. 

Denmark - Not too welcoming of immigrants, Lions , your religion and very very cold

Egypt - Extremely, extremely tolerant of brotherhoods, religions and kids will enjoy all the Mummies. But has a gigantic religion and crime problem.

Germany: Sometimes you might have to run through the town for being an Indian after being chased by mobs.  Make sure your kid runs well and knows someone who owns a Pizzeria

Hungary : Among other things, your kid may not be able to marry a Roma. Just saying since you and your wife are a perfect example of inter-religious marriage;

Iceland: If the cold does not get you, the bullying might. Avoid.

Nigeria: Got two words for you. Boko Haram

North Korea - Very tolerant of everything, as long as you have one of these state approved haircuts.

Pakistan: LOL

Qatar: Good work opportunity. Indian - Check. Kid - Check. Can work on Football stadium for World Cup- Check

Spain: Very nice, but you might want to revisit the kid's clubbing plans.

Turkey; You are fine as long as you are not from Africa, China, India and other non-Turkey countries

Okay, I am tired. The examples from around the world run into the thousands, and are much more severe and tragic than the incidents listed or what has happened over a long time in India. Was really not expecting Amir Khan to stoop this low. Had planned to stop writing on this issue post this but had to say something as Amir's statement was annoying, lame, ill timed, loaded, selfish, nasty, untrue, meant to provoke, poorly crafted, reminded me of flat beer, toilet skid mark, nail noise on blackboard, that single nail some men grow really long for some reason-  and what not. Beyond a point in time, these so called intelligentsia have to stop being childish to say things designed only to provoke a response, a response that is further listed as an example on intolerance to keep the so called issue burning.

 Call me intolerant about this, but I have had enough of these folks calling India intolerant.

1 comment:

Expressions Unlimited said...

:D Hilariously written!

'W' rightly said in the end- Tired of this intolerant brouhaha , big people saying irresponsible statements, intelligentsia (this word doesn't suit them but still) defending the rights of the celebrities to speak their random mind with zero accountability, not thinking about present situation, not considering ISIS crisis , right wing idiots re-iterating "go to Pakistan" as if that's the only learning they ever got... If any riots happen over all this, because they are trying to provoke all segments of the society, these people will just say - see we told u so and will never accept that they caused it. blame the govt , blame the police, blame the majority... just keep blaming