Saturday, May 19, 2012

Sid M - Ultra Dumb

Image courtesy wikimedia commons and

Every now and then, you come across that irritating someone on television who you imagine smells like the breath of an alligator cut loose inside a pigsty. It happens to everyone, doesn’t it? (My eyes dart around for confirmation)

I know what you are thinking. Suhel Seth. Sure, he comes close, but today television’s three inch nail on a blackboard is Sid M.  Now, there is a good chance that junior may be a perfectly nice guy otherwise, but the things he does and the way he does them makes you want to pick the last exotic animal of some endangered breed and kill it with an rusted axe. Repeatedly.

But why?

I checked with a few friends and they agreed. I checked with people who have never heard of him, and even they agreed. I checked with people who believe that capital punishment should be abolished. They agreed too. Sid M does not have a single person rooting for him.

Does this have to do anything with the fact that Junior B is not on TV as much as he used to? Is he our substitute to the missing Sonam Kapoor? Why does SID M make arthritic patients run around in circles like they were trying to get away from a drunk SRK.

Let me approach this one scientifically. My old Orpat calculator is on and I have set it to m1 mode (Does anyone even know what that does?)

Business Troubles: I think a lot of it has to do with the situation with KF. In these tough economic times, the fact that there are thousands of salaried middle class employees of that airline not receiving their salaries for months, while the owner’s son is prancing around in parties does not add up. It just does not. Throw that Financial 101 at me, and say they are different things – different accounting brackets and I still won’t agree. It is wrong. Show some class instead of those Godzilla teeth.

The Beer: If you are an Indian middle aged man who likes his sport and his drink, you got to have a soft corner for Vijay M. He has not only given us the best beer in the world, but he has been a staunch nationalist who has done much for the country – publicized and otherwise. Ok, sure you would say  Hey GP! You are contradicting yourself. What about those starving pilots? What about the banks that might go under because of his love for the good life.

And I reply that with, has anyone brewed beer like Vijay M has? Can one of em pilots make a calendar?

Also, that is my fear. With Sid M around – what would happen to the Beer and the F1 team? Couldn’t the role model for a generation of middle aged Indian men (We all want to be Vijay M) give us Kingfisher Really Strong, instead of Sid Really Dumb. Sigh.

Oh Lord the Fakeness: The third reason is the sense of fakeness that you get whenever you see him. With Priety Zinta and Nita Ambani, you know they love their teams genuinely. With Shilpa Shetty, you know she is Kundra’s problem. With Srinivasan, you know he must be really good at maths (And perhaps know what the M1 Mode does). With Sid M, you know he has no clue as to what is going on.

He looks like the type of man who stands on the shoulders of giants to look like more of a man. Every time Gayle hits one of those Howitzers, and the camera pans to Sid M – you feel that he is thinking that he HIT THE SIX. Not thinking, really believing.

Oh, whatever, maybe I am just imagining things.

The Tweets: Even for something as dumb as a150 character medium where to is spelt as 2, the man manages to make it look dumber. When he tweets that people are trying to use IPL to be famous, I think he should realize that perhaps the truth is different. If anything, IPL is his own fifteen minute claim to fame.

The sense of entitlement about him being above everything is evident by his tweets on the recent controversy or when he took on Ayesha Takia.   

Anyways, the bright side is May end is nearby and things will improve. Sure, Suhel Seth will stick it up with his comments on the Olympics, the Large Hydron Collider, Dark Knight Rises, and my faulty washing machine – but with him you at least know that he is just trying to etch out a honest living. He is at least naturally irritating, not designed.

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