Friday, April 11, 2008

Oh Well...

By Gaurav Parab

It is tough being in the twenties. Especially, if you are average looking, averagely successful, averagely paid, and looking at a computer right now. Now, that you have completely identified with this article at most levels, let me move on to what this piece is actually about.

This one is about the beautiful men and women.

I have your undivided attention. Hypnotized, clueless and feeling rather stupid you will read the rest of this sentence which is actually not going anywhere. Just like the sentence you are reading now. We can do this all day long and you would still continue reading.

No this one is not about men and women.

You are probably going, Oh well...

The one little expression that bridges the gap between that unmentionable word and a general feeling of helplessness. Like the expression “He is richer than me” accurately bridges the gap between me and my manager. What is of particular concern to me as a CAT certified Verbal Ability expert is that you, the average reader may not be aware of the history, and proper usage of the expression Oh Well...

History of Oh Well:  
The first recorded instance of this expression comes from the famous Swayamwar of Princess Ranilaxmilatasharpovavic (Known for the phrase, I wish my name was Susie) of the house of Mithoragarh in 700 B.C

The Swayamwar, like you may know was the Prime Time Reality Show where  people of Mithorgarh voted every week to send one contestant home to his waiting family.

Father: “You got voted out. Loser.”

Mother: “ Come here beta. Let me give you a hug and tell you that I voted for the other contestants.”

Neighbor: “I voted for you.”

Contestant: “Liar. I got zero votes”

Neighbor: “I swear I SMSed CONTESTANT #5 to 23272. Like you asked everyone to.”

Contestant: “Eh…”

Neighbor: “You said the wrong number at the end of your segment didn’t you?”

Contestant: “Eh…”

Apologies. I digress. Back to the history of Oh Well...

At the house of one Swayamwar television viewer, a young man called Chandrashekhar Projwal Kumar Atharva Ramnagar Hadapsar asked his father, “Why do I have such a long name papa?”

“Because at the hospital where you were born, I got the name and address fields mixed up in the birth certificate. They were sort of pretty close to each other on the form.”

“Ok. What do I do with this CAT form? I cant squeeze my name in.”

“Don’t worry about it. You are probably not going to clear the quant cutoff’s anyways. Lets watch Swayamwar on television together.”

“But Dad, how is that we are watching television in 700 B.C ?”

“The author has got his history mixed up, that’s all. Little vodka with sprite. You don’t bother beta. You just play your role in this article.”

“Ok, dad. Who is that celebrity judge on Swayamwar? He seems to have that expression which states, Which show am I judging today?”

“Oh well...*. Javed Akhtar”

* The first reported instance of the expression Oh Well.

Now that you have some context, lets look at the proper usage of  the expression Oh Well... in your daily work.

Scenario 1 – Subordinate has a problem: Subordinate calls up with a critical problem. You have no idea about the solution.

Subordinate: “Can you help me with this critical bug which is affecting the reports module of the EIS tool? I am not sure what is calling what, and whether the called thing is wanting to be called by unsolicited callers. It probably is a lonely variable I think, and it does not want undue attention by what could be globally nasty functions. It is probably raising a flag somewhere.”

You: Oh well... Figure it out yourself.”

Scenario 2 – You have a problem: You call up your boss with a potentially critical problem.

You: “Boss. We have a problem”

Boss: “ You know I am not a problem solver.”

You: “Oh well. Let me assign this to the loser who joined last week”

Boss: “Good call. Lets go for coffee”

Scenario 3 – You have a problem again: You call your boss with a problem which your subordinate could not solve.

You: “Boss, I guess you will have to do some problem solving today. The subordinate could not do it”

Boss: “Parab, What AM I DOING IN THIS ARTICLE ? ”

You: “Oh well. I will stop now.”


Where you cannot say Oh Well: In the interrogation room of Central Jail, under investigation for the murder of your land lord - whose body you dumped in the well in the backyard.

“Where did you put the body ?”

“Oh well.”

“Gotcha”

Last Word

Now that you know what Oh Well means, the rich history behind the expression, and its proper usage - make sure you make this a part of everyday conversations. In the end, I would like to close this piece by one last word.

Word.




10 comments:

The Neverknown said...

wow! Your last post with a humour label goes all the way back to october.Been deprived of the famous GUP wit now that I've been off the BB in the last few months too. Joy+Relief @ this post.

Anonymous said...

That was fantastic!!!


FK

Anonymous said...

Terrific Gaurav! I keep reading your blogs on BB (Oh Well! I am on bench!) and they are amazing! Keep’em coming!!

-AK

Anonymous said...

Genius strikes back! Parab you're getting better at this by the day...are the publishers listening??

-A

Nishant Kumar said...

cool one gaurav... hows online classes going on....

Almighty's Guinea Pig !!! said...

Awesome post...it kept me smiling throughout...great....waiting for another humourous one from your side...

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry to say this but it was waste of my time to have read yr blog.

Gaurav Parab said...

@ Anonymous, who threw that brickbat.


All i can say is Oh Well.

I hope you waste your time again.

chaurasia said...

That was wonderful.. i enjoyed reading it.... keep going..

Cheers...

Priyanka Khot said...

Oh Well!

You have some capacity to stretch a phrase to this extent. The part about the cavemen having a TV was outstanding.