Sunday, September 23, 2007

Floyd is the answer - 3

Gaurav Parab

{Part 1 and Part appears after this post. Scroll down}


As that old song goes, there are things that make you go ummmm... Your typical quizzing junta is not one of those things. They are more along the lines of “Things that make you go Aeyooo.”

A typical quizzer, intellectually, would fall between the cracks of a rock concert and a poetry session. A typical quizzer, physically, would fall between the cracks of anything separated by 7 feet. Unless he takes a running start and jumps at the edge. In that case, I suspect he would bang in to the other side of the edge first before falling through. What I am trying to say here, and you might argue that I am digressing a bit here, is “I should get a pay hike.”

I felt special as Harish introduced me to his friends. The winner of last years’ Mastermind, runners up in Brand Equity, winner of the Tata crucible and so on.

To my mild surprise, in spite of being smart and apparently married- they all were a cool bunch. All of them were super achievers in their professional lives. Which only goes to prove, even with all the brains in the world- even with the best jobs, smart enough to answer every question that could be framed –you still have to get up early on Sunday morning if there is a possibility of a nice looking woman turning up.

And then we went inside the Nehru memorial hall. And this is * (* An asterisk) the time I should tell you about the contempt Harish had for our quizmaster. And since this is going to be a three part essay, this is also the time that I should describe the hall, so as to set the mood and fill up some column space.

The hall was filled to the brim. Like a hall is filled to the brim every now and then. There was a buzz around the hall. Like there is buzz around a hall every now and then. The seats creaked under the weight of overweight men* (From the Spanish No me molesta), like things creak under the weight of overweight men.

Harish mentioned that the Quizzing junta does not particularly like Derek O’Brian. In a hall full of bright people, the general feeling is that O Brian is a little too black holish. His showmanship is often over the top, he does not write his own questions, and most importantly, he is no where as fine looking as Sharapova – which everyone would universally like to be the quiz mistress for the day. With a whip and all.

And now we reach that point in the column, where the writer delivers the coupe- de- grace. Which, as the critics and experts call it – a clever change of phrase is deployed and the writer gracefully manages to slip in the whole reason behind writing the column. A subtle play of words, and the breathless reader does not even sense that the whole idea behind writing the piece has just been stealthily unleashed on him. Here it goes – and I hope you appreciate the subtlety and style with which I do this- “HARISH AND ME MADE IT TO THE FINALS OF THE LANDMARK QUIZ”

Out of nearly 200 teams, 8 made it into the finals. We were the last to be called to the stage. As Derek called out our names, he looked at me and said into the mike, “Are you sure you are from Infosys and not Bishop Cotton? As the crowd roared with delight, I fumed with displeasure. I may be short, but I still get to ride the roller coaster at Essel World. It was time for O’Brian to go down. No one makes fun of a Parab. As I reached the stage and O Brian repeated his question, I decided to strike back with the age old Parab wit. “ummmmm. Aeyoo.”

We were one of the first teams to be eliminated. But that is not the point. The point is that little prick, seeming friendly and harmless when on its own, but when together with a whole lot of other pricks forms concepts like lines, circles, triangles and the Trapezoid each worth 4 marks in your board exams.

We stayed back till the quiz got over, and one of Harish’s friends clinched the quiz in a tie breaker. Incidentally, the chap contributes regularly to http://notesandstones.blogspot.com/ { The BCQC blog } arguably the best blog in Pune for keeping track of quiz announcements.

My day was however made when a good looking lady came up to me after the quiz and said, “You might not have done well in the finals, but I agree with you. Floyd is the answer to everything.”


4 comments:

Jui Chitre said...

good one..though nothing beats ur poetry..the comparision is irrelevant .. yet..

Anonymous said...

rollercoaster 'thingy' was funny :P Bishop Cotton ROTFLMAO!
-A

gaurav said...

ha ha ha
Nice post bro...
I am one of ur Infy mates,working(read on cyber surfing) out of chandigarh DC.
You writing style is definitly great and it smells like Joseph Heller spirit.You writing seems to be remarkably inspired by Catch 22.

but great piece of S***

keep the smell coming
Cheers

gaurav said...

ha ha ha
Nice post bro...
I am one of ur Infy mates,working(read on cyber surfing) out of chandigarh DC.
You writing style is definitly great and it smells like Joseph Heller spirit.You writing seems to be remarkably inspired by Catch 22.

but great piece of S***

keep the smell coming
Cheers