Thursday, March 25, 2010

Exit Business School

By Gaurav Parab

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It is that time of the year. 

B school students, after two years of studying in extremely hostile conditions (Hey! Our indoor swimming pool was not heated) return to their waiting parents and girl friends with salary packages that would make their non- B school friends raise their eye brows and say,

“What? Only this much? I thought you were in B School”

“Yes, but the company will pay my telephone bills. For calls made after 10 pm.”

So, this is exit B school. This is also that time when a select group of 20 crore Indian MBAs from premier B Schools say goodbye to the closest friends they will ever make using heart-felt status messages on their Facebook profiles.

This is my goodbye to a terrific bunch of people. This is a goodbye to my batch. Please return the money you owe me.

My batch  happens to hold the record for having the highest CGPA in the English Alphabet. Experts have estimated that if the marks obtained by the class are piled on top of each other, one Japanese Karaoke singer will reach the moon and almost come back. Almost, as we all flunked in a course ironically called, Business Plan. Sorry dude.  Happy floating around in space. We meant well. Sayonara.

Closer home, this batch also sent a team to Paris to inform the French that French as a foreign language is so passé la Frenchie Mademosille Finger Chips.

We wanted to send a team to Spain and Germany to inform them about the response to those courses by this batch, but apparently they all migrated to a region called as Le Meridian somewhere in Rendezvous.

On the bright side, we readily accepted a Management cum Philosophy course called Vedanta - As a foreign language.

In the last two years, my batch also survived the Swine flu scare in Pune. By observing basic precautions like pivoting excel sheets whenever someone squeezed, and washing our hands after every major ppt.

The journey of 2008-2010 started with the OBL, or Outbound Learning, conducted by our CLO, also known as the CLO ji. The OBL involved many holistic activities, including the timeless MBA game of hide-and-seek. Apparently, some members of the batch are still playing on top of Sinhagad mountain. They just call it the Hedgehog principle now.

Speaking of principles, nobody in the batch, especially in room 1032 stole the library register. It just disappeared due to the gravitational pull of the 4th floor.

The Director, in the early days, called the batch Maha Chor Batch. Which in Vedanta translates to we are not allowed to talk about the placement process, please contact the placement team.

Dear Batch Mate, out of the many qualities that you displayed, perhaps the concern for your fellow batch mate is on top. This is best demonstrated by the following incident involving students after another batch party.

Student 1: I am drunk.

HR Friend: No, it’s the green halo and horns effect.

Student 1: Don’t talk colors. I might throw up.

Marketing Friend: I am concerned, and I will be showing it in 2 minutes. Before that, on a scale of 1 to 10 – How drunk you are?

Student 1: Can I throw up here? What would my batch think of me? Tell me! Can I throw up here?

Finance Friend:  Hic. Did you complete AG’s assignment.

Operations Friend: Pass me the fish and bone.

This is a resilient batch, as evident from the food / sprout / Operational Research / water /poisoning controversy. As other colleges struggled to recover, this batch in a fit of anger went to a local restaurant called Tamanna and asked for a discount for the next party.

Beautiful women of this batch will be missed. Like they were missed on every single day of the last two years. The Men will be missed too. By local watering holes like The Legends, Mezzanine, The Attendance Department and Lemon Tree. The Professors will be missed ( Especially the ones who left because of this batch) and so will the penguins outside the main gate that have stood testament to the most remarkable people one can every come across.

Yes, that’s what you are! Remarkable! Brilliant. The Batch of 2008-2010. Lifelong friends! Just don’t turn out to be more successful when we meet again for Alumni dinners.


Shreya said...

What's with guys and saying that women in their batch weren't good looking! GUP - stop being predictable ;)

Himadri said...


'green halo and horn effect'


'Like they were missed in the past two years'!

I am no longer surprising that you always have a surprise in store - touching, heartwarming, delightful. Or wicked! :)
keep writing.. :)
god bless

Anonymous said...

ergreat post but uhmm.. er.. does the pic capture someone trying to catch something..uhm.. not his own..
sorry..couldn't help it! :D

Rashmi said...


This piece was superb, loved every word and laughed till my lungs threatened to come out.

Best luck for all the future endeavors buddy :)


Phani- A Sports Freak said...

Simply awesome!!!

Farina Kidwai said...

Gaurav Parab at his satarical and Sarcastic best
Beautiful way to say good bye !
(Certain lines really made me smile on this boring early morning)


Jaspreet Singh said...

Nice GP, CLO ji aur hedgehog principle pad ke aankhon mein aansoo aa gaye...

Anonymous said...

Dare I say, you are the most natural and gifted writer that I have come across.

Cheers to you, your book ( i ordered online) and looking forward to a bestselling novel by the most creative writer today

- Pooja

Jerrin said...

good stuff GP! all the best to you and the Batch 2008-10!!

Hirachna said...

nice!! cudnt have summed it better :)
except for 'so passé la Frenchie Mademosille Finger Chips / Le Meridian somewhere in Rendezvous'..wht was tht??

Gaurav said...

Good piece there, fellow Gaurav!