Floyd is the answer – Part 1

By Gaurav Parab

In addition to my widely acknowledged expertise in foreign languages, I am also known as a problem solver. If there is a challenging issue* (From the Latin parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus - A mountain will be in labor and a mouse will be born) to be solved, my team turns to me without hesitation.

With my problem solving skills, nonchalance, and a vocabulary which now includes ‘nonchalance’; I can turn any situation around to become the problem. My team soon comes to realize that they tried to put out a fire by throwing a whole lot of RDX at it.

Naturally, all their energies then become directed towards stopping me from working on the original problem, so as to prevent complicating things further and making the otherwise middle class blue collared problem the Managing Director of Problems Inc. It is like when you poison someone, and then try to treat him with snake bite.

My incompetence means the original problem is soon forgotten. Left alone, bereft of all the attention, the original problem having had time to introspect and reflect and all that- solves itself on its own. Just like a knot which gets untangled when you really tie it tight.

My team is thankful that I not only bring a perspective to life’s challenges, but also that human DNA is more unique than previously thought and the chances of their kids growing up to be like me are pretty slim.

Imagine my surprise, when Harish* emailed me about a year ago. (*Name changed from Harish to Harish.).

Harish said that he believed that I have potential. Sure, I have plenty of potential. Especially, when you take me to the edge of a 45 storey building.

“In Quizzing of course! I am looking for a quiz partner, and after reading your work, I thought that you would know a thing or two about the world” Harish added.

I was excited. I saw the possibilities. I felt special. I read his mail again for any additional clues. The word partner rang in my ears. Like a nonchalant telephone rings nonchalantly.

I wrote back to Harish,

“Harish, is there an outside chance that you are a hot girl who just happened to be named Harish? I once knew a girl called Saloni.”

“But isn’t Saloni a girl’s name?” Harish called up at my desk.

“ehh… Yes”

“Ok.”

Harish could sell an idea well. He said that he wanted to be the Imran Khan to my Wasim Akram. Discover* ((From the German phrase: Dast Ist Kathrin – This is Kathrin)) a total unknown and unleash him on the unsuspecting Pune quizzing circle, shock em to the core, leave them amazed – catch them off guard. Just like a shirtless Bappi Lahiri was unleashed unexpectedly on me when I switched on TV the other day. I could not change the channel in time, and now that fleeting image is forever burned across my mind. It threatens to out pixel all the nice experiences that my mind managed to collect for 24 long years.

End of part 1

Yes, I used Floyd to suck you into reading this. This is the first in a series of 3 columns on a quizzing experience I had. I will post the second part on Friday with a different heading to getya again.