Humor - How the newspapers are ignoring us

By Gaurav Parab


This one is about how IT individuals, leading exciting happening lives, are not given their due by the media. This one is about how the media only talks about villagers and airline pilots. This one is also about surprises.

Don’t we all love surprises? The surprise party, the surprise promotion, the surprise gift or the surprise passing away of our landlord? Off course we do, apart from the last item.

We don’t like the surprise passing away of our landlords. We all want to be involved in the passing away of our landlords.

But that’s not what this piece is about. This piece is about how newspapers worldwide are not doing their jobs well. How they are talking about everyday events – while they should be concentrating on more important stuff like whether Steffi is still interested in Andre, now that it is quiet clear that his hair are not coming back anytime soon.

Let me bring the reader’s attention to two common everyday events that made front page news in recent times for no good reason.


Report # 1

A guy in a village was riding on his boxer motorcycle on an old deserted road. After two hours of continuous riding, he surprisingly realized that he is a loser for not being able to afford a car.

But that’s not the surprise in question.

What the newspaper found surprising was that the guy did not realize that he had an uninvited pillion rider. Yes, that’s true! Someone had the gall to jump on to the motorcycle, while in motion, ride with the man for about an hour - without him even realizing it. This made front page news.

Our dude was not even alone. He came from a village of losers. On that particular road, this particular thing occurred with a lot of other dudes. Each time, the same uninvited guest used to jump on to a motorcycle being ridden by single men with larger moustaches– and each time they only realized the presence of the uninvited guest later when he whispered “Hello.” In his own unique way.

Don’t be freaked out. This does sound scary and all, but I believe that it could really happen to anyone. Especially, if you have a large moustache or you are a stressed out IT professional.

I remember a particular incident, which had happened after a particularly stressful period of work. I had not slept for 4 days, and had been at my desk for more than 20 hours. Stressed out, on the way back home - I pulled my girlfriend by her hand - onto my bike and dropped her off to her father’s place. In fact, I distinctly remember pushing her off. I drove quickly back towards home, hoping to catch some sleep. Half an hour into the ride, I looked back to see my girlfriend still sitting numb on my bike. I was surprised because I didn’t own a bike, let alone have a girlfriend at that time.

Now that’s a surprise the newspapers could have talked about. But they didn’t.

They talked about the uninvited pillion rider freaking out a villager with a large moustache.

Coming back to the report, it was only when our rider dude realized that dhotis don’t eat themselves, he looked into the rearview mirror to find the average man-eating leopard next-door smiling back apologetically.

Sure, the pillion rider was a leopard (YAWN). But is that reason enough? Freaking normal and every day, a leopard jumping out on to a bike and the rider not knowing for an hour.

The guy hit the breaks and both man and rider fell down. The cat ran back into the jungle and the man ran to the police station, when he should have run to his house to wear a new dhoti.


Report # 2

The second incident was even more common than the first one. It still made front page news. All because it did not happen to an IT person.

This dude left his seat at the workplace – locked his room and went to the restroom. An action millions of IT people do everyday without getting any mainstream media coverage. An ordinary event one might say – not something that needs to be mentioned in a newspaper.

Sure, he came back from the restroom and realized that the door could not be opened again since it was jammed. Is that sensational? IS that print worthy just because an IT guy was not involved?

Sure, there were issues with the key maker not being able to come and repair the door. Is that breaking news?

Sure, a lot of people got pretty mad for his cabin was closed and there was no way the plane could be landed at the airport with the pilot locked out of his cabin and all.

Happens all the time. The newspapers should know better.